“Am I going crazy?”
A question often asked by a woman on her first phone call to us. The answer to this question could begin a new hope inside her, determine that she is not crazy and help her see a future.
Domestic abuse is often emotional and psychological. The abusive partner might play mind games – one day they say ‘why don’t you make more of an effort, you look disgusting’ and the next day ‘why are you all dressed up? Who are you going to meet?’.
This is known as ‘The Rules of the Game’. The problem is, there are hundreds of rules and you never know which one they want you to follow each day because they constantly change.
This can cause a lot of anxiety as you are trying to please a person who cannot be pleased. It means treading on eggshells so as not to upset them, feeling intimidated, being indecisive in your own life and in some cases not knowing what is even real anymore.
You might be criticised for the way you look after the children, or made to feel guilty for days for things like coming home five minutes late or not making the food hot enough when yesterday it was too hot and you got shouted at.
They might convince you of something you know is not real, for example one lady said her partner could get a red table cloth and would convince her it was black until she admitted he was right and it was black.
If you decide to call in, the phone will be answered by trained professional women who will listen to you, piece together the things that are happening to you and acknowledge everything you say.
After months or years of mind games it is so easy to think you are going crazy, however we can assure you that you are NOT crazy. There are tactics developed by the abuser to make you question yourself, have no confidence and rely on them only so you will never leave.
But it doesn’t have to stay that way, we can help you get your confidence back, become yourself again and live free from abuse.
Please call our support line on 01773 719111.
Abusive fathers will use their children in a variety of different ways to perpetuate domestic abuse. Using children is highly effective as a way of exerting power and control over their intimate partners or former partners.
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