How are you?
I’m so tired. I can’t even think straight.
I feel numb.
Why is he doing this?
I just want a ‘normal’ family.
Why can’t I move on? He has, he’s happy, always boasting about how good his life is with his new girlfriend and going on holidays. It’s me, I just don’t know how to be happy.
I hate men!
I’m so angry! No one cares. I’m just not good enough.
I’m f***ing shit.
I’ve let him do this. I made my children go through this. (No, you didn’t, he did because he chose to be abusive).
I feel like crap! I hate my life. I’m only here because my kids need me.
If I could just do what he wants, he’ll be happy.
I’m no good. He’ll take the kids off me because I’m mentally unstable.
He didn’t show up for contact and left the kids waiting again. Then he says he loves the children and demands to see them.
I should feel lucky he lets me do things and go out with my friends “I just have to keep him happy in the bedroom”
(a woman sobbing and crying, because she is hurt and feeling emotional pain) I don’t know what to do. What do you think I should do?
I got no money. He doesn’t give me any money. (Can’t accept food parcels/toiletries/necessities because he’ll ask where it’s from).
I’m so stupid.
I had to get the police out.
My mum said: “He’s a good man, you have to work at your marriage,” even though I have told her the things he has done to me.
He hit me and pushed me while I was holding my baby.
He’s a good dad, he didn’t mean it. He said he was sorry.
The children love him.
I can’t sleep.
I’m a mess.
I can’t do it anymore. I can’t cope.
These are some of the words of real women I hear day in, day out, as an outreach worker.
I say to them and my message to them is: “You deserve better, you can do this. You will come through this. With support, you can do this. I know you don’t believe this right now but you are so brave and courageous. You are inspiring. You are doing really well. Keep doing what you are doing to stay safe.”
TAKE CARE… are my last words to all my women because I am thinking about women everywhere, women are dying because of domestic abuse.
Hats off to the women I have ever supported and am in contact with. They have given me the passion. They inspire me. They are the reason why I am in a job and NO! you can’t beat a woman. They are all survivors and I believe they can and will come through this (it doesn’t matter how long it takes).
BWP is about empowering women and supporting women when they need us, believing them. We have an open-door policy, working with women at their pace, to meet their needs.
Thank you to all the women that have shared their stories with me.
By Hina Houghton, BWP Outreach Support Worker
Abusive fathers will use their children in a variety of different ways to perpetuate domestic abuse. Using children is highly effective as a way of exerting power and control over their intimate partners or former partners.
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